Two Sisters

Every woman has two sisters, born at the time of her rite of passage into womanhood. Born from raw, desensitizing heartbreak.

At this moment in time, a girl is split into two sisters, a Little Girl and a Big Girl, and becomes the complex Woman, known and refered to as a Creature of Mystery.

I am not a brave, courageous soul who loves and loses, who suffers heartache and experiences true passion. I am a scared child, nursing the deep wounds inflicted on my soul. I hide behind a tall tower, immovable, unreachable, my facade of being a Big Girl.

Big Girls handle it. We numb it out and move on. We harden our hearts and swallow our tears, flip off the world and move forward in search of whatever it is we're after.

Little Girls, they think of the hurtful things that their daddies, uncles or "first love" did to them. They remember what they were wearing when it happened. Little Girls admit that they have feelings, that they're delicate, that they're soft and scared and desperately want to trust someone.

Little Girls think about the sweet times they have had with men. Then about how those sweet moments crumbled into bitterness, hard and cruel. They suffer in their spirit and feel sorrow and shame.

Big Girls remember bitterness and cruelty and plan emotional guerilla warefare in retaliation. They set up a plan of action to build the impenetrable fortress - a beautiful woman who is unreachable.

A Big Girl is ever perfecting her art of seclusion, ever polishing her craft, "The Appearance". It accompanies the suffocation, the suppression of the Little Girl inside of her. As a heartless, cold, older sister the Big Girl screams and pulls the Little Girl's hair: "You are stupid! Shut Up! You don't care about anyone. I can't believe you said that! I can't believe you trusted him! You are such an idiot, such a pathetic loser! You can't trust anyone! Anyone! Remember?!"

The Big Girl criticizes her small and forlorn sister's belief in everything the woman has ever believed in; Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, Jesus or a Good Man.

At the end of the day, if a woman lies alone on her bed, the distinction between her two sisters is clear: The Little Girl, desperately wanting to believe again and the Big Girl, desperately trying to run on alone.